I knew when I was pregnant with Alice that I was going to give breastfeeding a try and see how it went. 

After a very long labour that resulted in a C-section, Alice was here! As soon as we were brought into the recovery room, she was handed over to me and the nurse told me that Alice was already looking to nurse, like she was trying to suck on the nurse's finger. So within minutes she latched on no problem, and has been going strong ever since. 

There was a bit of time where my supply was low and I was doing marathon pumping sessions to try to get my supply up. We also, at that point, we were supplementing with formula because we thought that Alice wasn't getting enough from just breastfeeding.

 After reading some books, listening to some podcasts, and following the advice of Tracy Cassels, Martha and Bill Sears Amy Brown and of course, James McKenna on attachment parenting, knowing that attachment parenting was the way that I wanted to parent and that I had been parenting so far, finally, I said, okay, well, I decided to bring Alice into bed and co-sleep with her.

We're still co-sleeping now, and she's going to be two in March. It was honestly the best decision I could have made for our breastfeeding journey, as well as for my sanity and my sleep. 

After we started co-sleeping, my supply went up and the amount of breastfeeding that happened throughout the day also went up. 

Now, as a toddler, breastfeeding is a totally different thing. It's a way to help us connect in the morning. After we wake up we have a little snuggle. If she's having a meltdown, I tell her that whenever she's ready, she can come to me and snuggle and have milk. 

I know that it's her comfort. 

It's how she falls asleep at night. It's how she falls asleep during her naps. It's such an important part of our day and it helps her to feel secure.

It didn't take much convincing for me to decide that I wanted to breastfeed Alice into toddlerhood and ideally have her self-wean.

Of course we'll make the decision together. when she wants to stop nursing. I'm sure one day she'll just be like, okay, mama, that's it. . But we'll see. it will be a decision that we make together because it's not just one-sided. it's part of our relationship, it's her comfort.

I wanted to use the analogy that breastfeeding a toddler, it feels like a nice mug of hot chocolate after coming in from playing outside in the snow for too long. I don't know if that's a good analogy, but I do know that if Alice feels dysregulated if she feels sad, upset, if she just needs some mama time. Basically her number one ask will be for milk and to snuggle in the green chair, and I'm happy and so grateful that I'm able to be that for her.

So in the end, that's all it is, it's love.